What Now, Then?

What's left after the shock & fear take up all the air in the room.

[Originally published Nov 6, 2024, on Substack]

I woke up this morning filled with dread. I didn’t want to find out that overnight, the unimaginable had happened. But it had, in fact, happened. And in its wake, I have spent the day boomeranging between despair and disbelief.

I’m not usually one for intense exercise: I’m more of the easy yoga type. But today, I needed to run and tire and sweat — I needed to dispel the rage and panic from my body.

I’m usually a homebody. But today, I needed to pack my bag and get out of my house — I needed to go anywhere, do anything, to feel even slightly less trapped and suffocated by this new reality.

I’ve not written much in the last few years. I was too busy, I was too tired, I didn’t have anything particularly interesting to say. But today, the only direction I could follow was my gut screaming at me to sit down and write. Today, that is the only thing I knew how to do.

So I sat in a coffee shop, at 2:00pm on the day after Election Day, letting words weave themselves together to make a home for my grief and disappointment and shock and anxiety. Maybe they will be a home for yours, too.

Continue reading on Substack.